Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher & William Ury

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•  Ideal Readers:
  • Business professionals
  • Leaders and managers
  • Lawyers and mediators
  • Entrepreneurs
  • Anyone in high-stakes conversations
• Best Time to Read:
  • Before asking for a raise
  • When entering partnerships
  • During career transitions
  • While facing tough personal negotiations

• Main Point: Traditional positional bargaining leads to unwise agreements, inefficiency, and strained relationships.
• Key Ideas:
  • People often take rigid positions and argue over them, instead of solving the underlying problem.
  • Positions become a matter of ego and commitment.
• Metaphor: Negotiating like two people arguing over how to cut a cake — both want more, but no one asks why.
• Connects To: Sets up the need for principled negotiation.

• Main Point: Positional bargaining is ineffective, especially in complex negotiations.
• Key Problems with Positional Bargaining:
  • Produces unwise outcomes
  • Inefficient
  • Damages relationships
  • Escalates commitment to position
• Soft vs Hard Bargainers:
  • Soft: seek agreement, but risk being exploited.
  • Hard: demand concessions, risk conflict.
• Connects To: Introduces the alternative — principled negotiation.

• Main Point: People problems (emotions, perceptions, communication) need to be handled separately.
• Three Categories:
  1. Perception – Understand their point of view.
     • Execution Tip: Reframe their story in your words: "So what you're saying is..." This shows you are listening and willing to understand.
  2. Emotion – Recognize and acknowledge emotions.
     • Execution Tip: Say something like, "It seems like this is frustrating for you. I want to understand what's behind that."
     • Stay calm and don't mirror anger. Acknowledge feelings without trying to fix them instantly.
  3. Communication – Listen actively and speak clearly.
     • Execution Tip: Use "I" statements to express yourself. E.g., "I feel we’re not aligned on this timeline, and I’d like to find a way forward together."
• Techniques:
  • Don’t blame them for your problem. Use statements like: "This is what I’m dealing with, and I’d appreciate your thoughts on a way forward."
  • Discuss each other’s perceptions by openly asking, "How do you see this situation?"
  • Build a working relationship through small talk or side conversations. Connection before correction.
• Connects To: Builds the foundation for collaborative problem-solving.
• Three Categories:
  1. Perception – Understand their point of view.
  2. Emotion – Recognize and acknowledge emotions.
  3. Communication – Listen actively and speak clearly.

• Techniques:
  • Don’t blame them for your problem.
  • Discuss each other’s perceptions.
  • Build a working relationship.
• Connects To: Builds the foundation for collaborative problem-solving.

• Main Point: Behind opposed positions are shared and differing interests.
• Key Concepts:
  • Interests are what people truly care about.
  • Positions obscure true desires.
• Techniques:
  • Ask "Why?" and "Why not?" — These reveal underlying motives.
  • Use the "Five Whys" method to get deeper into needs.
  • Ask, "What problem are we trying to solve here?"
  • Try the Interest Map Tool to categorize and compare mutual and individual interests (e.g., Harvard PON Interest Mapping Tool).
  • Look forward, not backward. Shift from blame to solution.
  • Be specific but flexible. E.g., "We need to reduce costs, but there are several ways to do that."
• Example: Two people arguing over an orange — one wants the rind, the other the juice. Their interests don't conflict when uncovered.
• Connects To: Encourages joint problem-solving.
• Key Concepts:
  • Interests are what people truly care about.
  • Positions obscure true desires.
• Techniques:
  • Ask "Why?" and "Why not?"
  • Look forward, not backward.
  • Be specific but flexible.
• Example: Two people arguing over an orange — one wants the rind, the other the juice.
• Connects To: Encourages joint problem-solving.

• Main Point: Create multiple options before deciding.
• Barriers to Creative Options:
  • Premature judgment
  • Searching for a single answer
  • Assuming a fixed pie
  • Thinking that solving their problem is their problem
• Techniques:
  • Brainstorm without commitment.
  • Broaden options, multiply ideas.
  • Use objective standards (e.g., market value).
• Tools:
  • Host brainstorming sessions that explicitly separate inventing from deciding. Encourage all participants to contribute ideas without criticism, then collaboratively organize those ideas into categories or potential solutions. This structured approach fosters creativity and helps generate mutually beneficial options.
  • Use a simple decision tree tool like this one: https://www.lucidchart.com/pages/templates/decision-tree
  • Create a matrix of options vs. interests to visually compare multiple solutions.
• Connects To: Supports creative, interest-based negotiation.
• Barriers to Creative Options:
  • Premature judgment
  • Searching for a single answer
  • Assuming a fixed pie
  • Thinking that solving their problem is their problem
• Techniques:
  • Brainstorm without commitment.
  • Broaden options, multiply ideas.
  • Use objective standards (e.g., market value).
• Connects To: Supports creative, interest-based negotiation.

• Main Point: Decisions should be based on fair standards that both sides agree upon, not just on who can pressure the other more.
• Standards Could Include:
  • Market value, professional standards, legal precedent, scientific judgments, industry benchmarks, or moral fairness.
• Techniques:
  • Start the conversation by saying, "Let’s agree to use objective criteria for deciding what’s fair."
  • Propose standards and invite others to suggest theirs. Ask, "What would a third party say is reasonable?"
  • Compare the standards logically, not emotionally. Don’t bargain over positions; reason about which standard makes the most sense.
  • Use fair procedures: for example, flip a coin to decide who gets first choice of two equally valued options.
  • Be willing to change your view if the other party presents a better standard. Say, "If you can show me that your standard is more legitimate, I’m open to it."
• Connects To: Anchors negotiation in fairness and legitimacy, making outcomes more durable and less adversarial.

• Main Point: Develop your BATNA – Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement — to avoid being pressured into a bad deal.
• Why BATNA Matters:
  • Gives you confidence and leverage in any negotiation.
  • Protects against accepting an unfavorable deal out of desperation.
  • Acts as your negotiation safety net: if talks collapse, you still have a plan.
• Steps to Develop a Strong BATNA:
  1. List your alternatives: Think about what you would do if no agreement is reached. Brainstorm as many fallback options as possible.
  2. Research and improve each option: Strengthen the most promising alternatives. For example, if you’re negotiating a salary and one fallback is a job offer from another company, try to make that offer more attractive or secure.
  3. Select your best alternative: Choose the most viable and beneficial fallback option. This becomes your BATNA.
  4. Calculate your walk-away point: If the current deal is worse than your BATNA, walk away. If it’s better, consider accepting.
  5. Evaluate their BATNA: Understanding the other party’s best alternative helps you gauge how much leverage they have — and where their flexibility might lie.

• Execution Tip: Before any serious negotiation, write out your BATNA, rate it (e.g., on financial, emotional, and logistical factors), and practice how to use it confidently in discussion.
• Connects To: Gives you real-world power even when the other party seems stronger, and supports making objective decisions based on your true options.

• Main Point: Use negotiation jujitsu to bring them back to principled negotiation.
• What Is Negotiation Jujitsu?
  • It is a method of deflecting positional or aggressive tactics without responding with counterattacks or escalation.
  • The goal is to avoid getting pulled into their game and instead redirect the negotiation toward a problem-solving mindset.
• Common Tactics You May Face:
  • Personal attacks: attempts to make you defensive or emotional.
  • Stonewalling: refusing to budge or discuss alternatives.
  • Tricky tactics: using false data, pressure, or manipulation.
• Counter Strategies (Negotiation Jujitsu Techniques):
  • Don’t attack back: Stay calm and don’t mirror aggression.
  • Redirect their position into interest-based discussion: Respond with questions like, “Why is that option important to you?” or “Can you help me understand your concern behind that request?”
  • Reframe threats and attacks: “Let’s not get personal. Let’s focus on solving the issue together.”
  • Use silence strategically: A pause can disarm aggressive momentum.
  • Name the tactic: “It feels like you’re using a take-it-or-leave-it approach. Can we explore some other ways forward together?”
• Connects To: Emphasizes maintaining control and composure while steering the conversation back to interest-based negotiation.

• Main Point: Recognize and neutralize dirty tricks to protect the integrity of the negotiation process and avoid manipulation.
• Common Dirty Tricks:
  • Phony Facts: Deliberately false or misleading information presented as truth.
  • Ambiguous Authority: Claiming someone else needs to approve, only to later override prior commitments.
  • Stressful Situations: Using time pressure, uncomfortable settings, or surprise deadlines.
  • Personal Attacks or Guilt Trips: Undermining your confidence or moral positioning.
• Steps to Respond:
  1. Recognize the tactic: Stay alert to signs of manipulation or sudden shifts in tone.
  2. Raise it explicitly: Name the tactic calmly and factually — "It seems like there may be some confusion about the data we've just discussed. Can we double-check the source together?"
  3. Question its legitimacy: Ask, "Is this how we both want to proceed in this conversation?" or "Would this seem fair to an outsider?"
  4. Refocus on principled negotiation: Invite a return to shared problem-solving. Example: "Let’s step back and look at the core issue based on the facts we agree on."

• Execution Tip: Maintain emotional control. Don’t reward trickery with compliance — reinforce standards and fairness instead.
• Connects To: Reinforces integrity, encourages transparency, and strengthens long-term relationships built on trust.

1. Separate People from the Problem
   • Deal with issues and emotions independently.
   • Maintain relationship while solving the issue.

1. Focus on Interests, Not Positions
   • Understand true motivations.
   • Dig deeper than surface demands.

1. Invent Options for Mutual Gain
   • Collaborate creatively.
   • Look for ways both parties can benefit.

1. Insist on Using Objective Criteria
   • Agree on standards to avoid bias.
   • Encourage fairness and rationality.

• Steps to Develop:
  1. Brainstorm alternatives if negotiation fails.
  2. Improve each alternative.
  3. Identify your strongest one.

• Use: Strengthens your hand and helps you walk away if needed.

• What: Stop clinging to stated demands; look at underlying needs.
• Why: Enables win-win rather than win-lose.

• What: Prepare for negotiation by knowing your best fallback.
• Why: Increases confidence and decision quality.

• What: Deflect aggression with calm redirection.
• Why: Keeps control and preserves relationships.

• What: Use independent benchmarks.
• Why: Reduces bias, increases fairness.

• Old Way: Argue for $2,200 because you "deserve it."
• New Way: Present market data, show responsibilities, highlight interests (growth, impact).

• Problem: Co-founders disagree on revenue split.
• Solution: Explore interests (effort vs capital), use objective valuation tools.

• Problem: Two siblings argue over inheritance property.
• Solution: Identify core interests (sentimental vs investment), brainstorm alternative divisions.

• Identify one negotiation or conversation per week to apply the method.
• Debrief after each: What worked? What failed?

• BATNA worksheet – A structured template to identify and evaluate your alternatives. You can create one using simple spreadsheet columns: Options | Feasibility | Benefit | Risks | Final Rating.
• Interest-mapping table – Create a two-column table listing your interests and the other party’s. Add a third column for shared interests. This helps visualize overlaps and trade-offs.
• Objective standards list (market data, precedents) – Compile reliable benchmarks relevant to your negotiation: pricing data, industry norms, expert guidelines, or legal precedents, all of which can support fair standards.

• Emotional triggers, rigid positions, time pressure.

• More agreements reached
• Less frustration in tough conversations
• Greater clarity on your goals

1. What are my default negotiation habits — soft, hard, or principled?
2. When have I focused on positions instead of interests?
3. What’s my current BATNA for a key negotiation?
4. How do I react to emotional or aggressive tactics?
5. Which objective criteria can support my next big ask?
6. Have I ever overlooked joint gain opportunities?
7. How well do I separate the issue from the relationship?

• Misunderstanding: Principled negotiation is weak or passive.
  • Correction: It is assertive and structured, not soft.
• Misuse: Over-relying on fairness but without solid criteria.
  • Correction: Fairness must be supported by agreed-upon standards.
• Mistake: Ignoring BATNA preparation.
  • Correction: Always prepare alternatives; it’s your backup power.
• Mistake: Assuming others will play fair.
  • Correction: Anticipate tricks and prepare jujitsu responses.

• Read summaries
• Identify key interests in recent disputes
• Practice active listening

• Apply one principle in a minor negotiation (e.g., scheduling)
• Draft BATNAs for two upcoming conversations

• Handle difficult negotiation using full framework
• Create library of objective standards for common cases

• Teach the method to a peer or junior
• Lead a team meeting using collaborative principles

"Negotiation is not a zero-sum game."

- Interpretation: There's often more value to create than to split.

"Be hard on the problem, soft on the people."

- Reminder: Protect relationships while being tough on the issues.

"The most powerful negotiation tool is preparation."

- Reminder: BATNA and clarity win.

"If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

- Reminder: Seek joint gain.

"The best time to influence the outcome is before negotiation starts."

- Reminder: Prep determines power.